Guilt in anorexia recovery · a poem

A poem that reflects my guilt for lying and hiding an eating disorder from my loved ones for so long.


Hold me close,
but forgive my unease.
I’ve wronged you. Lied
and betrayed you;
masked my secrets beneath your good-will.

There’s coming back from this,
you say. I tell you that might be so,
but I’m scared things won’t be the same,
aware of a gulf swallowing moments between us like
the sea swallows space. Maybe,
if I’m lucky,
it will swallow me too.

But I shake my head,
silence myself and nestle to you,
never close enough.

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